Monday, February 2, 2009

Living with Me

My house has all the normal things, living room, bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, office. There's nothing fancy, no extreme bells and whistles. There's five people who live here and often times there is (as Brennan Manning calls her) my Impostor walking right next to me.

She will follow me from room to room doing many a mischievous thing: a critique, a nag, a reminder of what I don't have or what I think I need, a jab, an applause, a telling of an old story of what I used to do. She's not my friend. She's my Impostor, but I live with her and she with me. We cannot be separated...or can we?

I wonder, dear reader, do you ever struggle with the voice of yourself? Do you ever find that you want more than you have? Do you ever struggle with wondering why you're not noticed? Do you find that you crave the applause of those around you even if it's just a small golf clap? Do you struggle with feeling significant? Beautiful? Pleasing? Pure?

I do. I have.

And so, what do we do with all these things? Are they supposed to be of people who claim to follow Christ? On the one hand, I am to be pure and humble, self-sacrificing and meek, and yet I want to scream "NOTICE ME!", but not too loudly because we don't want to be First when the First with be Last.

Aren't we to be holy as God is holy? What happens if I think really poorly of someone or consider that that other man might be better than mine? What if I really like her house or her figure?

Bad me.

Bad, bad me.

I'm a Christ follower! I'm not supposed to think all this! Feel all this! Shame. Shame on me.

And so the chastisement goes. Your thoughts might be different. Your chastisement of who you should be might be a whole other set of lines. What are they? Can you identify them? Do you even know you're doing it?

How do you live with the other "Me" in your life? Do we all struggle with "But I died in Christ...why do I still feel like this?"

If so, then please, come in to my home for awhile, I have someone I'd like you to meet. Her name is Natalie, and she's my impostor, me.

Over the next few weeks, we'll be talking about living with all the lines in our heads about ourselves. We'll look at the struggle between who we are, who we should be, and who are really are. We'll discover that maybe, just maybe, the impostor can be someone we look at in the eye, accept and bring hand in hand to Jesus. Sound impossible, even sacrilegious?

Good, it's time to shake up the religiosity of our lives a little bit and meet the Love of Christ.

Living with MeStay with me through the month of February every Monday, Wednesday and Friday as we learn about "Living with Me."


Shelly said...

Sounds like it's gonna be a great month-can't wait to read more. :)

becca said...

Just what I needed. I look forward to Wed.

Christi said...

This is also what I need! Thank you Natalie! I was just talking with a friend about how we have lost who we are. We just have this idea of who we should be, but where are and what are our passions? I can be very hard on myself because I can't keep a tidy house, have dinner ready for my hubby when he gets home, always be cheerful towards my children and etc. Who am I and who do I want to be, that is the question!! Thank you so much for writing. You are an inspiration, a help to me and so many others!

Mary said...

I'm geared up and ready to Go!

April said...

I love when God lovingly places what you need in your lap. Thank you for filling this need this month. {first time devotional follower} April

Losing Myself said...

Count me in. Sounds just like me. hmmmmmm

Tammy said...

I am here and ready to go.